LOOSE ENDS

On 14th of February I decided to shift Chennai for my soul existence in this world. on 15 i finished all that was left for me at my home place, Just a man who wants to make it worth a while.

The day arrived, 16th February, early morning. Showing no excitement at all kissed my ma goodbye, I left home. 10 minutes to the train station a thought engaged my mind. “i’m never going to see all this again. But then again, i am not that kind of man who’d just miss everything, good or bad. Letting that all passed by, i smiled. A little amount of calmness in my mind and heart. Chaotic unsettling mind and heart were a bit surprised and for a while. “How the fuck did he pulled it off?” “Will that be a start to a new story or the same but a bit upgraded to low life.” “Will he ever love anything?” All that was put on hold for a while.

The rickshaw stopped at the station, rested my bag at my shoulder and another bag in hand and  got out. People who couldn’t afford a lounge to sleep had to sleep on the floor. No help for them from the railways. They are the working class people, The farmers, a family without man and it goes on. I could not help it but to think about it. My hatred towards the way the indian government works, grew more than before. They are not keeping me down. Make your livelihood by letting it evolve and make it count, please.

Platform no.6. B5 32 the berth number. Thing about travels, for me is, I can be pretty lonely whilst travelling in train. And it was 31 hours that time. Just hoping someone who can converse well, very unlucky in all that. Maybe that day was all given to me. Just as I entered my berth, company was not that bad. There was this mother and three daughters. “Hey” i thought “It’s going to be an interesting train ride.” i un-vacant my berth, made myself comfortable, as it was early morning i went to sleep. One more thing, whilst travelling i can’t shit. A man cannot take a shit while going back and forth and circles. Anyways, enough of bad stomach. i woke up by the sound of one of the daughter’s voice. it wasn’t bad or anything. but thesound of her voice made me calm in that state of mind. Came down from my upper berth and went on to take a leak. Went on the right end of the washroom both were occupied. Knocked on both the doors, nobody opened up for 5 minutes. So, i went to the left end. Same thing happened. My bladders were crying out loud, i was dancing. After all i hadn’t pee for 4 hours. I went again on the right end, i still had to wait for 2 minutes…….

Ooooooohhhhhhhhhyesssssssssss…. that’s what I said when my bladders were celebrating “IT” going out.

With a big smile on my ugly face went onmy upper berth and what a sight of lady, i will always remember that when i’ll need some peace. I literally for an instance thought, i was in some Disney fairy tale. All i had to do was go near to the lady. And kiss her morning and wake her up.

“Did i just say that? Wow, I’m still keeping the Disney child in me.”

I couldn’t turn my eyeball left or right for even a second. Seeing her resting, the vibe all around felt like home, then again, i just left home for one good reason. After a while i stopped admiring her and pulled out Men without Women by Hemingway. “Fifty Grand” it was. She woke up. Lord, she was just like an angel. Angel i would never see her again after this train reached to Chennai.

I did what was supposed to be done and approached her.

“Hey, so, are you travelling all the way to Chennai?”

“No.” A bit surprised by my question.

“Aha. How far are you going then?”

“Vijaywada.”

“okay.” I had no idea where it’s located.

But, without hesitation i asked. “When will it arrive? anytime soon?”

“No no, it will be not around till next evening.”

“Nice.”

“hmm?”

“I’m sorry, i never asked about your name. Can i know your name?”

“Srijal.”

“What does it mean?”

“I don’t exactly know that but it means something like holy water.”

“Accha. I’m Ronil Philips. Nice to meet you.”

“You too.”

“I hope i’m not boring you or offending you.”

“No no, nothing like that, its okay.”

“Cool.” I replied. I wasn’t able to take my eyes off of her eyes. Once i heard a dialogue from some random movie which was. “I don’t know how beautiful you are because i can’t keep my eyes away from your eyes.” That’s what i exactly felt.

“What about you? Are you going all the way to Chennai?” She asked.

“Yep, all the way.” I answered. “Say, have you ever been to Chennai?”

“just on vacations with parents, Twice.” She replied nodding her head.

“Alright.”

“What are you going there for then?”

“I’m a musician and a writer, opening up a production house there with few of my mates.”

“That’s nice.” Smiled and said.

“Yeah, it is.”

 Ah, the moment we had. We were just looking into each others eyes and just smiled like little retards do. And the fucking mood kill. Her phone rang, it was her father. Something or the other she talked with the father and passed on the phone to her mother at the lower berth.

“Dad was it?” I asked.

“Yeah, sorry for that.”

“Hmmm. So, I guess your family consists of three sisters a father and a mother. Right? Or do you have a brother too?”

“Just us, no brother.”

“Glad to hear.” Cheesy bastard, I am.

“Ha?” She played around with her hair and laughed. Her mother was listening or at-least trying to catch up with us. She, certainly found what was gonna happen by her daughter’s body language.

I could care less. Later on i came to know she was the second sister in those three daughters. Tough job to do. We talked about cancer, what’s Vijaywada like and what all places i should visit in Chennai.

All of a sudden we heard a scream.

“Srijal!!” Her mum called her from lower. And the bubble just popped. I drank some water and waited if she could be back. Natures call it was. I had to go to pee. When i was climbing up to my bed i could figure out some of the marwadi tongue. By the sound of it, it wasn’t a good one. I don’t speak marwadi but i speak Gujarati and it sounds a bit familiar. Her mom was ranting about boys these days, how they are and all that. She was really upset and said about she been frustrated about hearing about it over and over again and she left from there. Lord, she looked hot with all those anger. Imagine what would some proper focus and the drive to achieve a goal would do. And an MBA could do much more. Somehow i managed to get an eye contact with her. (Sign language is helpful handful tool) Asked her what’s wrong. She just looked at me and nodded her head with mixed emotions. She stood at the right end for a while and came back. And, that was it. She never spoke a word after that. Amen to that. More time with her would make me like her even more. What’s suppose to happen will happen. Few minutes later the youngest sister came up to that upper berth next to me.

“Excuse me.” She said.

“Yeah?”

“You were reading a book before, If you’re not going to read anytime soon can I have it?”

“Umm, okay.”

I gave her Tales of ordinary madness by Bukowski. One of my favourites. And also I could’nt find my Hemingway book. Like an obedient student she crawled inside the book.

Hadn’t taken a dump and still I was hungry. Kept my mouth shut and slept. Woke up in the morning, Smelling more disgusting as i was several hours before.

Still no sign of shit. There were times when there was a brown turtle trying to get out of my ass and me trying to hold it inside till I find a restroom. and then there was this. What an amazing feeling.

“Excuse me.” The younger sister asked to be heard.

“Yes.”

“Your book. Thanks.”

“Yep. No problem.”

It was almost noon. I heard some dangling and pulling out bags. Mother and her daughters were all alone pulling out heavy bags. I went down, Pissed and came back, helped them to pull the heavy bags. And, she was gone. Never to be seen again. I still cherish that memory of her.

Suddenly My body shouted for nicotine. There was man, in his late 40s, I remembered him having some Marlboro reds.

“Excuse me sir, can you spare a smoke?”

“Yes, sure. But, where’ll you smoke? You can’t smoke I here.”

“I know that, i’ll find a way. Can i have one now.”

“There, take it.”

“Thanks.” Went straight to the end, Opened the door and lit that bastard. That felt good, no lies. Everything was green and blue outside, passing by, there it was gone. There’s another lake. She is one hell of a woman, I wondered taking the last drag and threw the butt out. Went back to my bunk took my ear phones out, connected it and just watched everything coming and going but the destination remained the same.

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